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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 8:30:00 GMT -6
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Post by eyesofthephasm on May 5, 2016 9:46:17 GMT -6
Just read it on fanfiction.net! Left you a little review...just..so amazing!
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2016 10:05:00 GMT -6
Just read it on fanfiction.net! Left you a little review...just..so amazing! I'm glad you like it. There will be much more to come.
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Post by Systemcat on May 6, 2016 21:36:58 GMT -6
My review of so far is also on FF.net, but here's a different note on it. One I felt shouldn't be posted there.
In the story's start you had Gadget doing the old cartoon joke of getting fried by a toaster. Not a toaster here, but I found it amusing reading that when yesterday thinking of further story development on my own work. I was thinking of electrocuting one of the characters. I haven't decided yet if that scene is going to be used and no worries, it won't match what you've written here.
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2016 21:48:41 GMT -6
My review of so far is also on FF.net, but here's a different note on it. One I felt shouldn't be posted there. In the story's start you had Gadget doing the old cartoon joke of getting fried by a toaster. Not a toaster here, but I found it amusing reading that when yesterday thinking of further story development on my own work. I was thinking of electrocuting one of the characters. I haven't decided yet if that scene is going to be used and no worries, it won't match what you've written here. Yeah. I have to admit, the story won't be quite as cartoony from here on out (that's what the title meant by "a mission finished), but there will be more gags ala the toaster. It doesn't surprise me you've considered that angle too. It's a classic gag.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2016 6:50:50 GMT -6
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Post by Systemcat on May 19, 2016 16:47:33 GMT -6
Again this is my normal divided review, since part of it is up on FF.net. Now finally characters you've mentioned are coming into the story . Correct me if I'm wrong, those nick names some of them use to fool MAD. They sound like they belong in a cyperpunk story. Nothing wrong about that but it's still a small surprise in the usage if however feeling fitting. Your terming of evil cyborgs being called "Rogue cybers," made me grin and I think you know why.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2016 17:03:10 GMT -6
Again this is my normal divided review, since part of it is up on FF.net. Now finally characters you've mentioned are coming into the story . Correct me if I'm wrong, those nick names some of them use to fool MAD. They sound like they belong in a cyperpunk story. Nothing wrong about that but it's still a small surprise in the usage if however feeling fitting. Your terming of evil cyborgs being called "Rogue cybers," made me grin and I think you know why. I wasn't thinking about it, but the kids' code names do sound a bit cyberpunk. That wasn't really intentional; Penny had taken on the codename Gadget in honor of her uncle, and the rest went tech based to carry the theme. That said, the story is kind of optimistic cyberpunk, so maybe it's appropriate. Also, I had totally forgotten about iRogue when I used that term. XD I use the word "cyber" as a synonym for cyborg, and the choice for rogue was a random choice. I had to laugh when you pointed that out. Don't worry, though. These cyborgs done quite have the same identity issues iRogue had.
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2016 8:15:36 GMT -6
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Post by Systemcat on May 27, 2016 18:40:30 GMT -6
I'd forgotten about what happened to Doctor Claw's body in Initiation's end till you brought it up again in this chapter.
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2016 19:07:34 GMT -6
I'd forgotten about what happened to Doctor Claw's body in Initiation's end till you brought it up again in this chapter. I like the idea that Claw is a cyborg too, but it wouldn't make sense for him to keep the super arms in prison. So he currently has cheapy copies.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2016 6:22:19 GMT -6
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Post by Systemcat on Jun 3, 2016 20:53:24 GMT -6
I'm a little surprised by Penny's uncomfortable feel towards explaining where the funding came from. I half expected at that note she's done something wrong. Also I love the mayor's dumb air head comment about who she wanted to speak with not realizing John Brown / Inspector Gadget was one in the same. I'm tempted to draw my guess to your take on Heather because Gadget Boy fan art is a bit rare, although I think that's stemming from concept art I know I have to do for my AU. ( Not Heather on my end, but a different red headed "lass". )
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2016 21:26:03 GMT -6
I'm a little surprised by Penny's uncomfortable feel towards explaining where the funding came from. I half expected at that note she's done something wrong. Also I love the mayor's dumb air head comment about who she wanted to speak with not realizing John Brown / Inspector Gadget was one in the same. I'm tempted to draw my guess to your take on Heather because Gadget Boy fan art is a bit rare, although I think that's stemming from concept art I know I have to do for my AU. ( Not Heather on my end, but a different red headed "lass". ) With Penny being uncomfortable about her funding, it was less she did something wrong, and more that she hates being the center of attention. She prefers things to stay on the down low, when possible, and allowing others to take credit. (Also, she didn't admit it, but she was understating her royalties.) Yes, I wanted to include Mayor Wilson in this, and she is the very bane of Quimby's existence. Thankfully, he doesn't work for her in this AU, so he can threaten arrest. I would be very interested in seeing your take! Fan art of her is very slim, and I didn't really change her appearance all too much in my head. That said, considering short red hair is the only description I give, it would be very interesting to see what others envision. Thanks for the comment!
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Post by eyesofthephasm on Jun 8, 2016 7:57:22 GMT -6
I just caught up with the rest of your story so far Copter, and I have to say how much I am greatly enjoying it! Keep up the good work! I left you some reviews as well!
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